choose your attitude

so today..will you be a winner, or a loser. Will you choose to smile when you feel horrible inside. Will you choose to remain positive, to be who you want to be.

I woke up miserable yesterday after a rough night. Living alone here, there's always the prospect that if something goes terribly wrong with me- no one would know. I mean..how would they. I live alone, I don't know anyone in the building, where I live. My family is halfway across the world. I shivered through the night, as I had been struggling with the onset of a cold all day. I was fully and doubly clothed, wrapped in a duvet with socks on and no good..I shivered right through the night.

Anyway..woke up yesterday feeling a bit down. I thought: I hate this job (Monsoon), I don't think this particular type voluntary work is what I want to do (Envision), and I don't want to go in to class today: I had a 9am seminar with 'The Cat', my eccentric lecturer who stumbles into class looking like he just spent the past week down the pub.

But I chose my attitude, and decided to go for it.

My seminar was fun, as of course it would be: nothing more stimulating than discussing the current economic climate and listening to cat's rather bleak predictions for the future (he can be very very negative)- at 9 am, when the sun is barely up.

My time with the students went very well, and much too quickly. I'm continually fascinated by how much they want to offer. These are the labelled no-good, criminal, gun slinging future adults of Wembley- being exactly opposite the stereotype.

They're intelligent, so full of energy, and have all these ideas about what's wrong with their community, their school, their world...but they haven't given themselves any opportunities to think about it, much less address it. Now, they're seeing the possibility with Envision..and are battling within themselves, to find that one thing they are most passionate about.
Out of yesterday's session, it appeared that the majority are concerned with the level of gun crime in the community. Gun crime, and them being stereotyped: because of their colour, because of where they're from, because of a sibling who came to the same school and built a poor reputation before them...

I'm excited about what we're going to do. About how I can help them make a difference in the way they think. Help them see they aren't limited. They can be positive. They can make a change.

Work turned out to be fine as well. I spent some time sitting in with two police officers, a security guard and two out of four girls who had been caught shoplifting.

Barely 13 these girls were, but they had stolen goods from 5 stores, including Accessorize. Were caught on our cctv footage. They showed no remorse- none...sat at a table flipping through gossip magazines, chatting away, texting on their mobiles..like they didn't realise the crime they had committed, they didn't see the magnitude of it. Their families showed little interest in coming to get them: the police waited for 4 hours before someone came to pick these last two up..and actually social services is responsible for one of them. What I think is typical here. There's hardly any guidance. Hardly any parenting. The burden it seems lies on schools or the state to provide that, yet schools can only do so much. Everything fails these kids.

I made a lovely coffee this morning..and after several attempts to get out of bed, I'm well on my way.

Today I set out to London, to have a look at a few bikes. Let's see how that goes.
I thought I might attempt to visit 'Seizure' as well: some things are better done with company though..so I may give it a miss..may do, may not. If I go and they allow pictures..i'll be sure to post some here.
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You know...handling the same challenges everyday..the same situations..the same people..the same conflicts, isn't what makes us great. It's how we chose to deal with the new things that come up. How we find integrity, the right attitude and the courage to face what we haven't before...how we choose to use what life throws at us, to make us stronger, make us better inside and out.