on the mixed race thing

I never gave much thought to being mixed race. Infact, I’ve always just considered myself to be ‘Caribbean’, or just quite plainly ‘Black’. Maybe a simplistic view I know..but then my mixed ethnicity hasn't been much of an issue while growing up.

A very good friend and I had a discussion along the bi racial lines quite unintentionally, a few weeks ago. He has a mixed race daughter, and feels so strongly about the tradition of labelling anyone who has a ‘drop’ of black in their ethnicity, as being black. He pointed out that a cup of coffee with milk added isn't still a black coffee, or if mixing red and white paint…which colour would you label the end result as; white or red? Similarly, it can’t work that way with people. I wasn’t too sure how to respond to that. I was a bit guilty of the conditioning which he was trying to flame.

There has never been a need for me to ‘identify’ with one race or another. My heritage is such a rich one; I wouldn’t know where to start. I’m mixed white/west Indian/black. Just about a typical Caribbean mix. As children, my sister and I were always the ones with ‘nice’ (meaning light brown) skin, and ‘nice’ (meaning long curly) hair. I made friends quickly; I had all the girls wanting to play with me, and the boys wanting my attention. Still, I attributed it to being pretty (and a very nice person *wink*), and not race. Because quite obviously I was black – I was growing up in a predominantly black country.

I only became acutely aware of the mixed race discussion when I first travelled to London a few years back, and again, it’s still evident now. When people ask, ‘what are you?’… ‘black’, no longer seemed sufficient. Black girls/guys here aren’t exactly fighting over themselves to embrace me as one of their own, and I’ve given up on the Indians (known here as Asians) welcoming me with open arms (afterall I am West Indian – not East Indian, and don’t look anything like them)– infact my experiences with them have been along the lines of racial rebuff. So in the end...I’m not quite black enough, and not quite anything-else enough.

What of being mixed race is so controversial? Where I come from, the age-old proclivity of being drawn to lighter skinned people or those with straighter longer hair still exists. There is still evidence of whites being regarded as superior. Up until a few years ago, some companies - mostly banks- would noticeable employ only lighter skinned people.

I’ve seen it with my parents, I’ve seen it with many people in their generation. It has something to do with them being raised by parents, who were direct descendants of slaves. And so that conditioning of the white man being ‘massa’ and superior (although subconscious- no one would ever admit that they think it) is one which remains. Good to know that with each new generation it’s something which is slowly being overwritten by the acceptance that we are all created equal.

Inequality, superiority as labelled by race are notions of the past- in these current times, what makes a man is his character.

Is that the reality though?
It’s quite obvious that the race issue is one which is being debated with increased popularity. A quick search on ‘mixed race’, ‘bi racial’ will bring up loads of articles and now even more popular, dedicated blogs on the subject. The high profile entry of Obama to the world stage seems to have raised the ‘yess!! One of ours!’ flags all round.

The common feeling about being mixed race seems to be the identity aspect of it. ‘Where do I fit in?’ In sometimes racially divisive communities, am I Black, White, Chinese? Who, apart from my parents, will embrace me as their own. People experience, as I have, a feeling of displacement.

When I think like this, I immediately feel a bit foolish and quickly put an end to it. To begin with, I’m not even sure that identifying myself as being ‘mixed race’ is legitimate…back home, I’m just another form of black…and here, I’m just the girl with curly hair. I’ve been (all but) told by an east European friend to get over myself – nobody looks at skin colour, she said. Nobody judges based on that.

Then why do I feel that it is a bit of an issue. And why do I feel that it somehow impedes my efforts of ‘integrating’ and fitting in, in this place.

Having said that, I never fail to remind myself that I am my own. That we belong to ourselves and should hold true to ourselves and embrace that we are each so individual and beautiful. This debate will someday end, and when we look out into the world, all the colours before us will add to the significance and enjoyment as we pass through life.